The Gift of Silence! :)

People do what people actually want to do. They would do what they wish to do. This simple statement holds itself to be true in 99% of people’s lives. If a person really wants to do a certain thing, and they have their heart set on it, then more than likely they will accomplish it. This especially holds true in a lot of relationships you may encounter, if you haven't already encountered it. 

I remember reading somwhere that, "When someone doesn't show up when they say they will, reduce their communication that it almost turns nil and you are the only one initiating, ignores your communication and emotions, hurt and be cold and indifferent, always cancels plans, forgets things said, doesn't notice half things being said or just doesn't come to talk even though they have ample opportunity to, chances are they really don't want to be a part of your life / they really don't want you in their life."

Realizing and accepting this may be a very hard pill to swallow, but is essential for ones happiness. To combat this it is essential that you cut the people out of your life who make no time for you when they have the opportunities to. Be formal and reduce your communication to the extent they reduced. Doing so will free your mind eventually, and will also free your calendar. 

Now you have time to spend with those who want to spend that time with you as much as you want with them. We must embrace change and let the things go in our lives that are broken, and that have no possible way of being fixed. Sometimes trying to fix things that are broken would itself hurt in first place and it is not healthy way of doing things. There is always a time for full stop.

You ultimately can't make someone make time for you, so it is imperative that you spend time with those who has no qualms in giving you their time and who are as enthusiastic as you are in talking to them.

If someone wants to be a part of your life, they'll make an effort to be in it. Don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay. I know it is easy said than done.

It’s important you take efforts to sustain your communication but at one point if the other person just really doesn't want you just can't do anything about it. Being a friend also means one should understand silence but silence propagates itself the longer nothing is said the harder you will find anything to say. I believe in giving people what they like the most even if it means it has to be silence. :) It is always good to give when asked better to give unasked through understanding

Pebbles again... :)

Pebble 1

Learning to accept the apologies you never got is the best way to attain peace. Forget the hurts of past and cherish what ever is happening right now and look forward to your intuitions. They know what is right somehow. And always remember something amazing is out there to embrace you. 

Pebble 2

Just speak truth even if it would hurt the other person. There is no need to comfort anyone with lies. Remember if you speak things contrary to the facts you will be sooner or later be exposed. There is a reason why it is said you should think before you say something. Because God would make you contradict your own statements and expose you right in front of the person to whom you said. Think! Be true to your conscience.

Pebble 3

Forget the past but never forget the lessons. If history repeats itself it only shows how incapable we are learning from our experiences. The only person we should be better than is the person we were yesterday. Improvement does begin with "I".

Pebble 4

It is not assured you will get affection from people on whom you have affection. It only means if you treat everyone with affection you will get back from the same person if not some thing much better from others :) There are always people who are indifferent to you how much ever you care. World is no paradise for everyone we relate to relate back to us but world is no hell either. There is always someone who likes you for what you are and will treat you well.

Pebble 5

One can't stop people from judging you even though you don't judge them. The only thing in our hands is not to worry about their judgement. What others think about you after you have explained well and courteously are not your business to deal with.

Pebble 6

Sometimes we have to just accept that some things are just supposed to be the way they are. There are people who would be determined to do the same things how much ever you are hurt by it. There are only two things to do. Accept the way they treat you or just walk away if you are unhappy with it. If you find it too hard to go for the latter the only option you have is the former. Then don't blame others if you go through the same experience. Normally when you settle for less than you actually deserve you get even less than what you had settled for. So better to hope for the best and prepare for the worst in any scenario. That's the world's gift and it makes life interesting :) 

I am reminded of a quote which states, "It is good to give when asked. But it is better to give unasked through understanding". Some would do neither. Some will do both. Forgive the former for hurting you and cherish the latter for their efforts. When it comes to basic courtesies and mutual communication don't go for good when you deserve better. And each one of us deserves something better when we have put our efforts sincerely.
Have a wonderful day as good as you are :)

Pebble 7

I believe this in every relationship. Be it with your parents friends, siblings or those who you consider as your brother sister or any one. You can be angry but still cannot stop caring about their wellness. To be angry is to care tremendously. A willingness to risk a confrontation to sort out things. Opposite of care is indifference

Pebble 8

Silence after expressing / explaining so much is the best way to exhibit your seriousness. If people don't understand your affection they would never understand your words. If your trust, care and presence don't matter do you even think your words would?

Do things to people who would cherish it and wants it even if its going to be a small message or a little phone call

Have a wonderful peaceful day :)

More Pebbles from the Sandy's Shores ;)

Pebble 1

The smile in my face always doesn't mean I got everything I desired but it means I am contended with what I got :) Thank you God for everything you have given and more so for not giving something which might eventually harm me. Always remember when you get what you want its God's direction if not it's God's protection.

Pebble 2

Killing the root cause of expectation which is attachment is the key for peace and happiness.

Pebble 3

That moment you give too much importance to any person in your life is the moment you lose your importance in their life!

Pebble 4

In any conversation the tragedy begins, not when there is misunderstanding about words, but when silence is not understood. Only Well-timed silence has more eloquence than speech.

Pebble 5

Those who really love you would never leave you for your imperfections. They know how weird and moody you can get and still like to be with you. And if they can leave and let go then you are better off without them! My favorite line I quote always, "Love the ones who treat you right pray for the ones who don't". Have an awesome day. :)

Pebble 6

Never get too attached to anyone because attachments leads to expectations & expectations leads to disappointments.


Pebble 7

I understood this quite late though. But from now this is something I will follow :) Speaking doesn't always gives the best result. And once its been proved that your effort is futile silence is the best way when the same person does the same thing again and again! In that way you won't be hurting back the person who has hurt you! And that's what is maturity after all...

Pebble 8

It is not a good sign to know too little about people who know too much about you. It is better not to be expressive to people who are discrete to you. Good to trust the ones who trust you in return. Better to be close to ones who are close to you.

Psychology

Never express to the ones who won't express to you. It would always make you vulnerable. Well these are some interesting lines I read in an article I came across recently. 

You might wonder why anyone would put effort into a friendship when the other person just doesn't seem to care.

There are several reasons why unbalanced friendships occur. Typically one person:

Mistakenly believes they are close friends while the other thinks they are acquaintances.

Unhappy situations which results in a need for someone to confide emotionally after being silent for years. Etc (Rest left to your imagination)

Friendships that are unbalanced, which means that one person tends to have more vested emotionally in the relationship, can be difficult on many levels. While these types of relationships may satisfy a temporary desire for close friendship, ultimately they can leave the person that put more effort into the friendship feeling sad, belittled, angry, or any combination.

The key characteristic of an unbalanced friendship is consistency. In an unbalanced friendship, one person repeatedly "keeps the friendship going" while the other seems to care less about the relationship. Well power in any relationship lies with the person who cares less

Signs of an unbalanced friendship include:

Only on person repeatedly calls or mails to get a response from the other.

Where one person never notices half the things being said.

One tends to act differently when different people are around etc (it would become too boring if I put all the points I read. Imagine the rest ;))

The great part about unbalanced friendships is that they are very easy to walk away from emotionally. If you are the one putting the effort into keeping in touch, simply stop and move on. Talk to those who are willing to talk to you. Express to ones who express to you. Very often in one-sided friendships, the self-absorbed friend won't even notice or care enough to contact you to find out what is the matter or would not notice the change that you actually stopped talking many things you used to share. Every person is important in life. So it’s better to keep in touch without vesting anything emotionally.

If your friend does contact you at some point, be cautious with how much effort you put into the friendship going forward. You may be dealing with someone who just doesn't get what friendship is all about. If you find that your friendship immediately falls back to an unbalanced state, distance from that person for good.

Stop screaming your emotions and self analyze as to where you are going wrong.

Don't start the blame game. And blame the other person for not considering you as important as you consider them. World is no paradise for everyone we relate to relate back to us. But the world is no hell either.  Each person has right to choose who they want in their life. So choose yours well :) Stop finding fault and mould yourself for the better.

There is a thin line of difference between non expression and lack of substance and respect. Don't let your optimism become absolute stupidity.

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.

Keep smiling :)

Love yourself first ! :)

That awkward moment when you put your heart and soul to describe some thing and you are met with a cold silence and nil acknowledgements! This happens too many times to people who express or write. But a writer keeps writing away even when what she does promises no hope to change the circumstance. That's the beauty of writing something you wish. It may not bring out the change you need. If may not wake up the person who is pretending to sleep but still you keep writing away because you hold it close.

Sometimes destiny makes us relate too much to people who may not be that close to us. Some may be expressive some may lack expression some may even forget to acknowledge. For some it’s too much to even give a small one letter reply for something you have taken so much effort to write and share. Even expecting the words "okay", "Read" & "will read not now" seems to be too much to expect in this
fast world.

Never express your deep emotions to anyone and especially to the ones who will not hesitate to ignore. It does not mean they are bad. Think of the good times. But by sharing something you hold close to someone who may not even acknowledge it is like giving a free entry ticket to hurt you. Then do not blame others for your mistakes and errors in judgment.

Never express your vulnerabilities or weakness to anyone so easily. Very few people may not exploit it. They may repeat it and hurt you in the same manner even after knowing what had hurt you earlier. This may not be intentional. It’s just something which becomes a habit. Any emotion if it is sincere is involuntary. If you have involuntarily exhibited your vulnerabilities or emotional weakness there is nothing wrong. You can't change what happened but you can always prevent your weakness from getting exploited.

For instance if some one ignores your emotions never show that to them again. Its not called ego or you don't value the other person unconditionally. It only means you are just going to hold yourself up fairly without hurting others by explaining.

You cannot love the world if you don't love yourself first. One should respect others for what they are and also respect one's own emotions. If some one is erratic with your emotions, it does not give you a right to be erratic with theirs. Their position and outlook may be different. What is important to you may not be important to others. And just because you respect and try to understand how others feel it is not guaranteed that they would take the same efforts in return.

Its okay if you had mistakenly given someone free ticket to hurt you by exposing your emotional vulnerabilities. At least don't extend the validity period of the ticket when you realize it.

Give as good as you get :)

It’s better to give, as good as you get. Never give your time and attention to someone who does not give the same in return with interest. If you give, you are only empowering someone to hurt you. It doesn't mean they are bad or you are not worthy.

I am reminded of lines I had read somewhere, "It is important to remember that a friendship is a two way thing, and if you repeatedly feel that you are the only one making the effort, it may be time to re-evaluate the friendship and consider whether it is something you should let go of, at least for now. While it is important to try not to harbor negative feelings towards your friend, if your friend no longer makes you feel happy, valued or good about yourself, then you may have lost the essence of what a good friendship should be about."

There is always a time to put a full stop to your explanations and stop screaming your emotions out. People may call that a drama and for you it may be honesty. But what is the point in screaming when there is wide distance and you know practically the other person won't hear. Stop screaming and turn around to look at the ones who are screaming for you.

The only people you need in your life are the ones that need you in theirs.

Love the ones who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.

Have a wonderful day with people who would reciprocate and treat you in the same manner as you do to them. With people who remember your actions, words and cherish you for what you are. With those who don't abruptly cut you off when you are telling them you experience with enthusiasm. With those who share as much as you do with same level of enthusiasm. With people who acknowledge you everywhere and don't treat you differently just because different people are around.  With those who relate to you the same manner as you do and make you feel valued.

Sandy's Shores - pebbles from my thoughts

Pebble 1

There is a difference between optimism and absolute stupidity. Believing some things contrary to the facts you know from the beginning and which had proved itself contrary to the belief you hold time and again with consistency falls in the second category.

Pebble 2

Life will give you the same lessons again and again till you pass it. History repeats itself till you decide to learn from it and correct the errors in judgement made earlier.

Pebble 3

Generally the person who inflicts the pain through insults finds it very easy to forget their actions. The recipient would have to carry the deep scar when it had to be self healed. Look out and self analyze your actions. World ahead is waiting to give everyone the same experience they gave to others.


Pebble 4

Concentrate on what is being said. It doesn't matter who is saying. As it is said if you judge a book by its cover you may be missing out on an awesome story.

Pebble 5


Direct meeting and phone calls will always put things in right perspective. That moment when you meet some one after so many years and you find there is no enthusiasm in them, they move away after having nothing to talk and finds it easy to ignore when you say you are hurt by their actions is the time you will get to know that you no longer belong to their life. You will know the amount of respect they give you. The person who does not treat you with respect sure would have not considered you close in first place.

The problem with our generation is we are confused by FB mails and messages and number of friends we have. (I would not say all but many seems to be) Nothing like the old methods of phone call and direct meeting. There is a difference between those who talk for time pass and those who talk because they want to talk to you.

Technology is good and should be used to their best level. But time and again we have to ensure that we are not losing the personal touch. As it is said, "Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself."


Pebble 6


I read a quote which said "never chase or run after anything in life. If God wants you to have it, he will give it to you or in some places the quote is mentioned as if you deserve it God will give you".

I would like to add something to this quote. Some times in life you find certain things important to you. We may take lots of efforts to achieve something. It can be an academic achievement or even trying to make the other person understand how you feel and try to create the change you wish to see.

The world may term it as chasing or running after something. So far you don't give too much attachment and importance to results there is nothing wrong in trying what you want to do. There is no need to worry as to how other people may describe your acts.

Even after your efforts if the change you desire is not happening then it doesn't only mean God does not want you to have it or you don't deserve it, it means God wants you to have some thing much better than what you desired because you deserve something more!

Have a nice day

Pebble 7

Its always better to give as good as you get. World would be paradise if the ones whom we relate to could relate to us the same way. One of the worst feelings is to feel unimportant to someone who is so important to you! In a fight between "what you know" and "how you feel" use your brain not the heart. As it is said,"when dealing with yourself use the brain while dealing with others use the heart"

Memory!

She used to invite me with her most beautiful smile. And she never missed to give me my favorite “Little biscuits” whenever I visited her home. We stayed in the same colony.

Every year I used to go to her place to invite her for Varalakshmi Pooja at home. She would immediately tell me “Dress up well, little girl, I will come to see you”. She was a happy lady. I have never seen her complaining about life or her troubles. She used walk around the ground slowly when we kids used to play around. She always greeted with her wonderful smile.

Slowly I noticed that she was becoming thinner day by day. I could not find her coming out to the extent she used to come. All my family told me was she was sick. I remember the day when I visited her with my mom and Aunty. She was lying in bed weak. But she was still talking in the same manner she used to do as ever. She never complained about the pain she was going through nor she was bitter about her suffering. In fact she even remembered to ask me whether I still eat those “little biscuits”.

Now when I think about it I could never believe that wonderful lady was actually suffering from a deadly disease and I actually saw her in her death bed.

Few days later we got the news that she is no longer there. And she passed away after suffering from cancer.

Rabindranath Tagore said, “Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come”. Or to quote the lines of Bhagavath Gita “For certain is death for the born and certain is birth for the dead;” But death could have been peaceful right? I am not here to discuss about the karma
theory.

I got a mail this morning from a friend of mine saying it’s world cancer week and about cancer awareness. And I was reminded of the first ever time the deadly painful disease called cancer took away a lovely lady I knew.

The one who taught me, that it’s not your circumstance which determines your happiness. It solely depends on what you think.

She is still alive in our memories.

I pray to God that one day the word “Cancer” would be nothing more than just a sun sign.

Reciprocation !! - Importance of feedback

When you stretch a rubber band it does expands. But you should know the limit or else it will break. Any attitude taken to extremes becomes weakness one day and will end up spoiling things. Remember the Steps to the Communication the last step is called response or feedback. Many mistake it, as something to be employed and followed only at workplace and not something to be followed in personal life. The more you find it cooler to not give your response to the people who have chosen to communicate to you, the sooner they would find that ignoring you in return in the coolest thing to do.

Though some may still not ignore because they know how they felt when they were not given feedback and they would not do it to others even to the person who ignored...

Its good to remember that only well timed silence has more eloquence than speech.

Silence and speech both when taken to extremes becomes a spoiler. At least when words go wrong you can use another set of words to explain. Silence when taken to extremes can never be explained by silence and the impact caused will be thousand times more.

It is not necessary to give answers to all questions but basic acknowledgement is what everyone requires. And it is important to express at the right time. Ignoring things when you need to address it is a good way to lose things. Don't do it unless you really don't care what you are going to lose in the process.

The time you have got to respond is directly proportional to the amount of respect you give to the other person... I have personally made sure I leave some reply to every single person, who have chosen me to talk to. If not immediately at least after some reasonable time if I have not seen it or am not in a position to reply. That's the least respect I can give to the person who has chosen me to talk to.

At the end of the day, time is something we make. Even in the middle of 1000 works you can still find time to do things you like and give your reciprocation to people. It's all about what is called as time management.

If you cherish a person and want them to stay in your life and sustain your contacts you would on first place treat them well. You wont treat them differently just because different people are around. You would make sure they never feel being ignored and insulted and if at all they feel that way because of your inadvertent
action (if it is) you would make sure that you explain and console them and not take the word "sorry" as the only escape route.

Mere sorry is never enough. I am reminded of a quote "A stiff apology is second insult. The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt.

In this fast world this write up might sound crazy but the time you spend on creating and sustaining contacts are what going to help you and the value of it will be known when you are old.

As Harriet Beecher Stowe said "The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone."

Have a nice day!

Best Things In Life are found when you are not looking for it!!

Elliot Perlman in his book Seven types of Ambiguity said "The peculiar striations that define someone's personality are too numerous to know, no matter how close the observer. A person we think we know can suddenly become someone else when previously hidden strands of his character are called to the fore by circumstance.

"It always happens that the people you were once so close with can always become some stranger. There is a thin line of difference between non-expression and lack of substance and mutual respect. Always remember that “The greatest ornament of friendship is removed by the person who takes away from it respect".

Do not keep on with a mockery of friendship after the substance is gone & when it is not mutual. Bury the carcass of friendship: it is not worth embalming. It is not worth fighting. If it is it will be mutual. Efforts will be mutual. It's better to keep in mind, that where your absence doesn't make a difference your presence does not matter either.

Life is all about hope. I am reminded of a quote I read somewhere, "Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny, and a time to be prepared to pick up the pieces when it's all over". But remember you can’t be the only one picking the pieces all the time.

 Instead of fighting to revive the lost substance and wondering why it disappeared, leave it to time, the best healer to act. The best things are always found when we are not looking for it.

Have a nice day!

May you be blessed with people who reciprocate to you in the same manner you do :)

Love the ones who treat you right Pray for the ones who dont :)

As it is said, the best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you. But at the same time if you are not getting it naturally never try to find reasons for it nor explain them you missed having it.

Next time I will never follow anyone around like an idiot nor will I explain later and make a fool of myself. I now know I can do so much better without that. There isno point in running behind the person (even if it's going to be close friend or your relative) who does not want to stay and talk to you. It's better to remain silent than to try conversing with someone who can make you feel alone. If somebody wants to really talk to you they would find means or else they will find excuses. Never hurt them back just smile and walk away. And thank them for showing it clearly how much you mean to them.

People to whom you mean will always understand you by your small actions. They would understand your needs and expectations. If not, never try to explain yourself what they missed to give you. If they can't understand you are affected by seeing you there is no point in explaining how you felt. As it is said if you get what you want, its God's direction if not it's God's protection. Always believe that everything, at the end of the day is for your good and never let others be reckless with your emotions nor you should be reckless with that of others.

One has every right to be angry but it does not confer the right to be cruel. So never hold on to your anger long. Respect others and give them what they like the most even if it means that you have to be silent / move away.

A best friend can become a stranger but always remember one day that stranger can become a best friend too...

Keep smiling at all times what ever life throws at you. Remember strong walls may shake but never collapse. Have faith in yourself and your intuitions. They are God's messages to you.

Love the ones who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.

Have a wonderful day!!!

The Android Phone!!!

Something I felt about the present day Android phone craze

In the present era of Android phones am reminded of the old black round dial telephones... The telephone model was named "Priyadharshini". Even redial facility was not there. But yet it was special. That time it was the only mode to connect to people far away. Those were the times when guests were home the phone used to be in one silent corner...

 These days with cell phones in our hand we tend to pay less attention to the ones who come and talk in person. We keep meddling with it often... It was considered to be insulting if you keep talking over phone when someone came home. Now meddling with the phone is called style!

I find the old model phone more stylish because it gave more importance to people. Am not saying technology is bad. It's essential and very important... The present generation (including me - of course) should learn one thing for sure. Your Android phone can wait for you, but the person who is coming to talk to you may go away. Please make sure you take your eyes off your phone when you drive it leads to accidents... You may hit and hurt someone and yourself physically. Please make sure you don't meddle with your phone when someone is talking to you because that's the least respect you can give to the person who has chosen you to talk to.

Even this is some kind of emotional accident. Here you hurt the other person emotionally. This doesn't mean you should not attend important calls or use your phone. You can very well tell the other person to excuse you for few seconds and continue with your best buddy - Android phone. Am not saying everyone does this but there are many who miss out these little things often...

Often we underestimate the kind of effect our actions can have on others... Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the

process?