A Moment That Shaped Me

Some memories don’t stay because they were happy —

they stay because they quietly changed us.

“Life’s most powerful lessons are rarely taught gently.”

As years pass, many moments fade away, but a few from early professional life remain crystal clear. Not out of resentment, but because they came carrying lessons that stayed long after the moment ended.

“Experience is a hard teacher — it gives the test first and the lesson later.”

This was during my audit days. Back then, during audit assignments, it was common for managers to take the team out for lunch, pay the bill, and later get it reimbursed. It was routine, unquestioned, and expected.

One afternoon, a manager took me to what I think was some Rajasthani dhaba — I honestly don’t remember the name now. Simple, nothing fancy. When the bill arrived (around ₹1000, give or take), she casually said, “You pay the bill.”

I told her I didn’t have that much money with me.

What I did have was confidence — the kind that comes from knowing my father was my pillar of support. I was fully prepared to call him, sit there, order somehing, and wait till he came and paid. That thought gave me calm in an otherwise uncomfortable moment.

She went on, with a smirk on her face, continuing to advise — as if the moment needed commentary.

Eventually, she paid the bill.

But the lesson had already been delivered.

“Sometimes people resolve the situation, but the impact stays.”

While I consciously chose to take that lesson positively, I won’t deny its deeper effect. It left a small trauma behind. From that day on, whenever I went out in a group, I always paid the bill. I didn’t allow anyone else to pay — not out of generosity, but out of self-protection.

It took time to trust people again. Even today, if I let someone else pay, they have to be my closest circle.

Money in the purse. Money in GPay. Always.

More than a decade and a half later, that lesson still stays with me.

That person may not remember this incident at all —

but I remember.

“The one who teaches the lesson may forget; the one who learns never does.”

And strangely, I respect her — not for treating me right that day, but for teaching me a life lesson I still carry forward.

They say money can’t buy happiness.

Maybe it can’t — for those who already have plenty.

But for someone who doesn’t have it in that moment, money can buy dignity, confidence, and peace.

Small incident.

Lasting lesson.

Team Spirit

 When the word team spirit is being  misused I only feel this. 

Person who really has team spirit need not boast everytime saying we as a team let's act as a team etc. It would be shown in the way they work itself. It can be felt when they act in unbiased manner and is prompt in updating and by behaving transparently.

It cannot come by merely leaving classy statements like let's do it we as a team working on etc when it's not exhibited in the way you treat all team members

Maintaining team spirit cannot be an excuse in not having individual responsibility or it cannot be used in all context being blind to situations ignoring the questions asked. It would do well to merely reply to the asked questions instead of leaving so called team spirit statements which is becoming old fashioned. 

To outer world we should be a team and not let down our members but internally we should be conscious of our flaws and mistakes and work towards correcting it.

We should be conscious to update every other team members on the situation

Manager of the team should not make any member feel differentiated. 

When I work in any team I work on 3 core principles

1. I will not let my team members down anywhere. And I would defend them if they are not treated properly. I voice for their rights everywhere

2. Internally I would point the facts even if it's a flaw. I would understand my own mistakes and aim to get these corrected and contribute to it's betterment

3. I would be transparent about the work am doing and ensure that because of my absence team is not affected 

This according to me is team spirit

I need not wear it in my sleeve 

It would be obvious in the way I am transparent and in the way I call spade a spade 

Stop using the word team as an excuse to escape questions or to hide the fact you do not want to take individual responsibilities

Stop boasting your team spirit and start exhibiting it by treating all equally not in just words but in actions 

#random :)

Sanatana Dharma

 The person who has truly understood sanathana Dharma will not dictate how the other person has to pray.

They will respect the fact that each person has his / her own way of relating to God 

Dictating how one should pray when they should see God and concluding that they are not believing in almighty if they don't do your way shows how premature you are as a person in spritual enlightenment 

Sanatana dharama is far away from fanatism 

Sad someone who thinks he or she follows sanatana dharma interferes in the way other should see God 

For the formless almighty sanatana dharma gives freedom to give the form and pray and relate in easy way. He is everywhere. 

A person can choose to see any form of Him anytime of the day.

Just because they don't do in your timings does not mean they have not seen or experienced Him inside heart

Such people who dictate should grow up spritually. 

They definitely are not in sanathana dharma though they think they are, as they are not following the essence of it

- Sandhya Venkataraman

Deivam Manushya Rupena

God helps those who try to help themselves. God helps us in many forms through people around us or rather tries to reach us through people but often many tend to throw away people saying "God is there to help I don't need anyone" without understanding that there is God within each one of us! Deivam Manushya Rupena is what we have been taught. Lord will not manifest Himself in the kind of form that we see in pictures of deities but His manifestation can be felt through acts of people who try to help us. If we miss and insult those who try to help us then it’s nothing short of insulting God and His ways and fooling one own self

Freedom !!!

I simply love it when someone ignores my communication on continuous basis. I love it when they repeatedly do the things that they know would hurt me. I love it when they don't pay attention. I love it when they cut me off from expressing my views. Because it just frees me from any obligation to respond to them whey they reach out.

There after i have complete freedom to decide whether i need to communicate to them or reciprocate. Its up to me to decide and be a better person and treat them too well or give them as good as i get and make them taste their own behaviour.

Why should one get mad when the other person don't treat you as well as you do? Why should you get mad if they do not outwardly appreciate what you do to them? Why should you get mad if there is no reciprocation and courtesy?

I personally realized and feel they are making my position stronger without really intending to do so.

Because when one day i finally decide to give up i would be under no moral obligation to explain :):

Respect ... Just Random

Some people are so small hearted that they can only care for their happiness, their family and reciprocate only to their set of people. Yes doing to all your own set of people matters. And yes I do agree on concepts like 'your happiness you should take care' , priorities etc etc. Am not debating or disagreeing with any of that. Even I care extra bit for my set of people. I don't deny. There is a special place for the close ones in our life. But what about others who fall out of this circle? The ones who care for you a lot without any conditions attached?

If you can't give consistent courteous affection to them at the least don't hurt them or humiliate them with comparisons. Don't trivialise their affection and efforts by showing how capable you are in throwing it away.

They completely understand you have your set of people and you do not need their affection but they still give because unlike you its in their nature. If you can at the least respect it.

Before one does an act one should assess.

Would you do this to your parents siblings spouse or your so called closest circle of friends?

For instance say you ask your colleague or acquaintance to wait for you at some place for some work? You know they would definitely come and wait

And you are caught up in your little world of happiness? Would you even forget that they would be waiting? Won't you care that it gets lonely to wait and they have to know what's your plan?. For heaven sake you had asked them to wait or come and then you conveniently forget till they call you up several times? Should you not give a small message or call to tell them. Don't these come under basic humanity? Will you leave your sister or spouse at lonely place and enjoy elsewhere?

Or take any other simple act like

Simple act of acknowledging the wishes they give you? Taking your eyes off phone or laptop when they are giving you some information. Asking them how they are when you have found them sick etc. Sending wishes on your own once a while. Are these basic courteous acts meant only for close circle?

It's ok when all the above are occasional but what justification can one give when it becomes a habit? Isn't courtesy and mutual respect important?

Humanity don't need reasons to enter. It is something you can do in simple day to day affairs. How shrunk the heart of those that can care only for their happiness and their set of people...! They don't even seem to care about the amount of hurt they confer on others by their insensitive comments.

Before doing anything to anyone think whether you would do that to your own people.

It does not come as a surprise that some are small hearted to give affection and reciprocation to only their set of people and don't care to reciprocate to others who give affection and care.

What surprises me is that some cannot even treat others outside their circle with humanity, respect and courtesy.

Some people hurt you in their happiness or for their happiness. Both are ignorant and selfish. Presuming both are not intentional. It's cruel if it is intentional but I prefer to give benefit of doubt to such people and assume that it's unintentional

What do you do when you meet such people ? Behave like them to them? Of course not. Then there would be no difference between you and them. Give them unconditional affection with the hope that though they might not return it to you that would someday create a spark in them and they would not do what they did to you to another soul. You would contribute in stopping the pain waves they are creating and that's what world needs. Unconditional love and affection. Not only to those that treat you well but even to those who don't

When you send out love and unconditional affection God ensures you get it in return. May not be from the same source in which you invested but as you sow so shall you reap. There would be someone who would treat you well as you deserve

Love the ones who treat you right
Pray for the ones who don't :)

Have a blessed day

‪#‎randomwriting‬

PS: thanks to the cool small hearted folks I meet in my day to day life. You inspire me to write 

and you test my ability to give unconditional love and affection. My prayers and loads of affection to you guys. In my opinion you need them the most because your hearts are shrunk and they need to expand. May you be blessed to give affection and humanity to all

Acquaintances

More than most of the people reach out to you only when they need something from you. Help them but don't take them as close friends. See whether they are there in the times you are down. Whether they care to drop a small word to ensure you are fine. Never be close to those who can enquire only when it is convenient to them. You can name them acquaintance and give them respect.

Assess before you take people into your closer circle

You should never be close to those who never enquire you by themselves once a while :)

You should never be close to the ones who do not show their care when you are hurting

Train friends

In life you meet certain people who are just train friends

Now how I define this. Say you are going on a long journey the person next to you starts talking to you well. He cracks jokes makes you laugh and perhaps even say get to know you well

Now they do because

1. They are bored
2. They don't have their own circle of close friends around them

But when it's time to change seats or getting down you may even exchange numbers etc but they would disappear. They would meet others in the journey and be happy

You talk well but you need to realize that their talking to you in confined to the above 2 reasons

In the same way in life you will find train friends who claim to always keep those around them happy. Assess their statements and actions

1. They will talk sweetly when they need something from you

2. They will talk caringly when they are free

3. They will meet you or talk etc when they do not have their close friends around because simple they are bored

4. They do not enquire if they are busy and they know you are in trouble or hurting

5. They find it easy to ignore your communications on a constant basis because they don't really need you communicating at that point if time.

6. They really are too pre occupied that they can make you feel invisible on constant basis and you need to reach out to them to remind them that you are feeling low and want to talk to them etc

And other points left to readers imagination

But the main point I want to emphasise in this post is that one should realize that it is easy to be there when one is free but when someone is going through trouble if a person cares to find a little time to enquire that's what close friendship is all about.

We meet train friends in our life. They might claim to be your close friend at that point of time. They may claim to be consistent

But see whether you are only an option in their free time or whether they free their time once a while to ask how you are.

The problem and hurt starts when you take such train friends as close friends

It might hurt to recognise that you misjudged train friends as close friends

Wait to see delay judgement be silent. Truly close best friends can't see you hurting and ignore it without caring to say a word. They would amend their actions if they find that it had hurt you. They would care to leave a small word in midst of chaos to show they are there as moral support and make you believe that they are there with you when you are down. They would care to ensure you are safe.

But if you find they are train friends then be a train friend to them. Help them and care for them but don't take them close.

It's hard to realise train friends at later stage. Assess before you take anyone close.

If you realize later endure the pain

Remember person who is capable of hurting you would continue to hurt you. You should become immune to it

Leave it to time the best healer.

See if you are being a train friend to any who have considered you close and try to give your care and affection  :):)

Unconditional Affection

When there is unconditional affection for someone despite the amount of disappointment or hurt they have given, despite the fact you may be angry if they are not well or in trouble you still care deeply.

The moment you get anxious to ensure they are fine is when you realise that it's the mind that gets angry but the heart always care. We never know how much we care for a person unless we find them in trouble or being sick and our heart skips a beat when you hear and all you want is their well being and that becomes your single full filled thought

You want them happy and doing well and that thought is your truest self. Hidden behind the strands of ego is the child nature of a human which yearns to reach out to our loved ones. And ensure they are fine always

Being angry or disappointed does not stop you from caring for your loved ones.

After all affection is greater than perfection

Privacy

"The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you’re special too.” love your partner fiercely. But always follow your own unique dreams and Desires."

This is a real good quote. Something I observe in people. Why maintaining individuality is considered as a sign of lack of love or affection ?

Is it the false impact created by the social media?

If one does not maintain individuality they can never truly appreciate themselves.

Then they cannot love themselves which means in the long run they cannot love anyone else. That's when relationship breaks

This holds good for any relationship :)

As long as you maintain the right balance and confidence and trust you do not need proofs to establish it.

Read a news that there was an argument just because a picture is not liked in face book ! Or the demonstration of love and affection had not happened via a public social media.

Yes you can and may do it at times and it's really sweet but that should not become a need

When what is casual becomes a need then the problem starts :)

You should be confident that your life is not dictated by public display of affection.

After all maintain privacy. Let you near and closed ones have their space in social media. If a close friend or closed one does not like your pictures or does not put a picture with you don't let it bother you. Don't fight with them for the public display. Have trust that it does not in anyway means they love you less. It necessarily need not be even fight even a sort of emotional conversation to make them do something in social media is a form of emotional blackmail driven by your unnecessary need of public display. At times its sweet but then make sure it does not become an habit. Love give affection but doing like this is long run is not healthy

Doing too much first then not doing anything etc creates confusion. Be calm and consistent. Don't exaggerate in happiness or sadness try to keep it balanced matured and sensitive

Leave so between spouses I hear some friends even fight over not liking or not putting dps and statuses. Avaluku pota enaku podala nulaam sanda and disappointment

Sadly need for public display of affection is becoming a psychological problem.

Don't let fb or watsapp determine the level of affection you have with your closed ones

Elame public la pesita thaniya ennama pudusa pesa?

Just remember our previous generation did not have fb or watsapp and they lived happily and more contended than any of us with social media.

Social media should be used to exhibit your thoughts. Share your love and affection once awhile it's very sweet. But when it's not there don't let that determine your life.

Stay happy. Give healthy space and have a long standing mutual respect and trust

‪#‎kaalathinkolam‬ ‪#‎applicableforallincludingme‬

‪#‎mutualrespect‬ ‪#‎maintainprivacy‬ ‪#‎dontbeinsensitive‬

Reflection

“Amma” screamed Radha. Why you did not wake me up early? See I have to go for walk and get ready and go to office on time. Now everything is spoiled.

“You slept late Radha that’s why I did not wake you up. See you look tired even now!” , said Amma with a worried look on her face.

“Now don’t give that sorry look Amma.  You just have some excuse for not doing what I say. Thanks for that great help. I would go get ready now and know that you have spoiled my day.” saying this Radha stormed to get ready.

“Why can’t you just leave a message to your boss saying you will be half an hour late and get ready calmly”, said Amma. But Radha did not pay any attention.

“Can you help me connecting the laptop” asked Appa.

“Appa can’t you see I am getting late. Please don’t ask me anything now” said Radha

Radha got ready and came out said bye to amma. Amma said eat and give me some time to pack your breakfast.

“Not required, you will take your own sweet time to cook. I can eat outside and for your information I am getting late”. Saying this Radha ran outside to catch an auto.

“Say bye to all Radhaaaa”, screamed amma.

“Oh am already late and I have to comply with all the formalities. Bye all”. Radha screamed back.

What a way to start the day! All because of mom, thought Radha. If only she could have given me a proper wake up call, I would not have to go through all this irritation.

With these thoughts in her mind she went to catch an auto.

She stopped an auto asked the driver stating her destination which was 3 kms away.

You need to pay me Rs. 200 to get there said the auto driver (well welcome to Chennai, where auto’s run well but their meters don’t!)

“Whattttt!!!!!!... Rs. 200”, screamed Radha.” Don’t you guys ever change? Why do you cheat and loot the general public?”

“Petrol hiked madam and why are you shouting at me in the morning? I am not the only one to ask. If you can, you give or catch another auto. You won’t get any and you would suffer” retorted the auto driver.

“Just Get Lost! I would rather walk than paying you” screamed Radha

And she started walking. Nothing seems to go right today. I hate this life thought Radha

She walked after some time she got an auto and grudgingly paid Rs. 100 to get to office. Useless auto drivers spoiling my mood and day thought Radha.

Once she reached office she opened her office mail. She saw she never got replies to all those reminder mails she had sent last week.

“Oh my God, brilliant, now I have to keep a reminder list to send second reminder mails to all those folks who just can’t reply to one single mail. No courtesy, no sincerity. Irritating” thought Radha.

**Tring Tring**, rang her extension flashing the name of her colleague Geetha.

“Oh the drama queen has now called” thought Radha and picked the call.

“Hello, Radha. I just saw your reminder mail that I have to complete certain work. Who are you to say that?  I have served more number of years in this company than you” screamed her colleague.

(Well this lady had all the energy to shout but did not have enough energy to complete her task!!)

“Hello Geetha, listen it’s my job to track the progress of the work and I am just doing my duty. And if you have concerns you speak to higher ups why are you shouting?. I would send reminder mails. And you don’t have courtesy to reply to any. And you would not give any explanation and who is being questioned. Remember that I would be the one who has to answer those questions ” said Radha

“I don’t have to report to you Radha. You don’t set my priorities. I can’t be replying to all mails” retorted Geetha

(Well yes, Geetha does have other better works like cribbing about her mother in law at office! Well if one has such interesting works how would they find time to reply to office mails at office!! )

Radha was now on the verge of losing her temper, “See you are not getting the point Geetha. Am doing my work and I am being questioned. So you need to give me the details. That doesn’t mean am setting your priorities......”

And the conversation went on for another 45 minutes.

“There is no point. Am just ending this call Geetha” said Radha and ended the call.

This day is JUST NOT FINE.

Radha stormed out of the office finally with heavy heart and severe head ache. She rushed back home. Amma welcomed her back with her beautiful smile as ever.

“Dinner is ready” she said.

“Ok Amma” said Radha in a dull tone. She saw her mobile while her dinner was being served and saw her mother’s message this morning

“Dear daughter. Don’t worry the day will be good sweety. Keep smiling”

“Amma, sorry I did not see your message this morning. Are you angry with me?” said Radha hugging her mother.

“No sweety, I knew you had a hectic day” said amma. Then she said “see had you given this hug this morning your day would have been better” J said Amma smiling.

Radha was taken aback.

 “I will do that tomorrow amma. “ said Radha

“Sleep on time today Radha. I would wake you up early tomorrow” said amma with a sweet smile.

Radha went to bed thinking of her day.

She cannot stop the running time

She cannot change the auto driver’s attitude.

She cannot make all her colleagues learn what courtesy is

She cannot control or change Geetha’s behaviour

So what can she do?

The only thing she could do and was in her control was her own way of handling things. So as of now let me try to sleep early and get up on time thought Radha

Next day Radha got up early. She went for her morning walk hearing her favourite songs.

When she came back she saw her dad struggling with connecting the laptop.

“Appa, I will do it” said smiling Radha.

“Thanks Radha” said appa smiling.

“Amma, I will go get ready. Is the breakfast ready?”

“Oh I am yet to finish the sambar. I got up late Radha” said amma.

“It’s ok amma. No problem I will eat outside. “, said Radha hugging her mother.

She came out to catch the auto. Well yet again there was this auto driver who asked Rs. 250.

Radha smiled and replied. “Great brother, you are really better than the driver yesterday who asked Rs. 200. But unfortunately am not that rich to pay you. You will get a better passenger who can afford to pay you what you seek. Have a good day”

The auto driver was taken aback. And started to go away but changed his mind.

He called back, “Sister, I am sorry, I know I asked more. I will put meter. Can you please give me some extra. You are my first passenger for the day.”

“Sure”, said smiling Radha and went to office.

She reached office and saw that some of her colleagues had still not replied to their mails.

“Wow interesting now the late they reply,  the stronger is my position because I have done my work” thought radha mentally thanking her colleagues for giving her some buffer time in which she can do other tasks.

She smiled and drafted a common reminder mail, “Dear Colleagues, I understand you are too busy but I am sure you would complete this and intimate me. Thanks for your support in advance and wishing you a good day”

She pressed the send button and with a smile started her work. She found she could complete her work much faster than yesterday because she was peaceful.

**Tring Tring** rang her extension flashing the name of her favourite colleague “Ms. Drama Queen Geetha”

Radha smiled thinking that this is now going to be fun.

“Radhaaaa”, screamed Geetha. “Despite  telling you so much you have the audacity to send a mail to me today”

Radha said in a calm voice. “I am doing my work Geetha”

“You don’t teach me what to do. You cannot mail and I just don’t care about your mail” started Geetha

“Sorry to interrupt you Geetha. I can understand you have not completed the work and you can take your time and intimate once you have done it.  And you would definitely get my mails because it is part of my work profile to ensure things are going in the right phase. So I guess we should not be wasting our time on discussing these things. Because anyway I am not going to stop my mails so why you should waste time discussing that with me? Why can’t you take it up with your boss and remove your work areas from my tracking list if it is getting into your nerves? J. And by the way on a lighter note if you really don’t care about my mail you would not be calling my extension. Have a good day lady J and please check your BP.  You really seem to be stressed out. Take rest. Take care”

And with a broad smile Radha kept her phone back.

After some time another colleague came to Radha and said “Do you know, Geetha  is talking bad about you. She is telling a bunch of people in the canteen that you are trying to be authoritative and you are trying to impress your boss to get promotion. I think you should confront her and put her in place”

“Well if she is talking about me then it means she obviously finds my life more interesting than hers. And this really confirms that I am a step ahead of her” J

Saying this Radha went to the white board placed in her work area and wrote the Eleanor Roosevelt Quote

"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

When she finished writing and turned, she saw Geetha and her friends walking in. Geetha’s face turned red with anger when she saw the quote.

Radha flashed the victory smile at Geetha and walked away with her head held high.

(How entertaining it is to smile when the other person expects you to be enragedJ )

This was indeed a good day. Life is beautiful thought Radha

Back home she had dinner in peace and went to sleep.

She was thinking about the day. The characters whom she met yesterday and today were same. The external situation had not changed a bit. In fact she even  had some people gossiping about her but still the day went perfect.

“How come?”, thought Radha

Morning breakfast was not ready, but the way she handled it made the difference.

Appa was still struggling to connect the laptop, but helping him made the difference.

The auto fellow still asked exorbitant fare, but the way of handling it made the difference.

(The auto driver turned out to be a good fellow but what if he had just left? “Well I would have just found another auto. But at least I did not let that spoil my mood” thought Radha.)

Did all her colleagues learnt courtesy and replied to her mails? No, but the way she handled it made the difference.

Did Geetha change? Absolutely not! But not allowing it to disturb the inner peace made the difference.

“Why are you smiling Radha” asked amma smiling back.

“To get your smile back Amma. Goodnight” said Radha hugging her mother with a final realization that how she perceive or take the incidents around her is purely a reflection of her own inner state of mind

After all what we see is a mere Reflection J yes a mere reflection !!!

 

Impact of the highly improbable – Part 12

Rani reached Kalpi and fought against the British forces with Tatia Tope and Rao Sahib.

The combined forces of Rani were, however, routed by General Rose at the battles of Poonch and Kalpi. Lakshmi Bai then reached Gwalior and established the Peshwa's authority after defeating the Maharaja Sindia. At last, when Rose attacked Gwalior, she fought stubbornly to the finish, sword in both hands and the reins of the horse in her mouth, and died a glorious death in the thick of battle. She was cremated in a nearby garden where a memorial was erected after independence in honour of her martyrdom.

Mahasweti Devi reports the brief remembrances of Damodar who was only a child at the time. One in particular tells of how one 'evening in Gwalior came back to his mind over and over again when a loving glance from a pair of enormous eyes seemed to reach out towards him and then move far off - it was as if his mother was going far away, where one could no longer touch her.'

Understandably the Rani's funeral was carried out very quickly after her death since none could guarantee that she would be dealt with proper respect if they delayed.

Lakshmibai had two 'maids of honour' who accompanied her from Jhansi. Fortunately we know little more than their names, Mandar and Kashi Kumbin. Mandar is said to have been a childhood friend of Lakshmibai and was killed in the same incident in which Lakshmibai was fatally wounded. Kashi had stayed behind to look after Damodar. It was Kashi, according to Devi, who prepared the Rani for her funeral pyre and who with another close attendant of the Rani's looked after Damodar for two years before surrendering him to the British with the promise of safety. She then disappears from history.

One has to be impressed by their loyalty and courage. Their indomitable spirit inspires us. But then there were many such people even more anonymous, their acts unknown to history. We can only acknowledge the deeds of a few, and they must also stand for all these others.

Two days later the rebels left Gwalior making no attempt to continue the fight. The death of Lakshmibai seems to have utterly demoralized them. The 'impregnable' fort of Gwalior was easily retaken by the British.

Rani was thus cheated twice by the British. First was the way in which they annexed Jhansi on the death of her husband, the Raja Gangadhar Rao in 1854. Second, when they unjustly accused her of involvement in the mutiny and massacre that occurred in Jhansi 3 years later. And this of course was Black Swans ignored by the East India Company.

As a result of the actions of the British, and others, she plunged into the Warfield, transforming herself as the leader of an army and the most important personality of the Indian Rebellion. With her death the rebellion was over. It did erupt again but that’s a subject of another post in this series.

Today her name is commonplace throughout India, renowned as a leader of the Rebellion. The Queen, who fought the first war of Indian independence despite the challenges it posed. She inspired many to follow suit.

 But according to me she was more than a martial leader. In her brief time she cast aside many conventions to unite people of all castes and religions in her cause. She put aside purdah, which she only observed with respect to the British in any case, encouraged other women to do the same and trained them to fight and support the army;

 Lakshmibai was not the only Jhansi women to die fighting the British. She cut across the social norms of the time, refusing to accept her fate 'as a woman'. She cared for all her people, and consulted with them at crucial times, and carried them with her.

I would talk in next post what happened to others, why Indians lost the first war of Indian independence and what happened to the East India Company after the rebellion.

But this post is not for that.

I would like to have this post as a tribute to the remarkable women. It does not matter whether you are fighting with sword or with words. If you are fighting for your right while doing your duty then you are indeed a Lakshmi Bai.

In 1942, an all-women regiment of the Indian National Army formed to fight British colonial rule, was named in honour of the Rani of Jhansi. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rani_of_Jhansi_Regiment)

Indeed Rani is a symbol of Women empowerment.

Mahasweta Devi in her book Queen of Jhansi writes as follows (a small extract)

“Everywhere in Jhansi, Kalpi and Gwalior – ordinary people will tell you that the Queen will never die. Halfway between Bhandir and Jhansi people will tell you, that even now, Bai Saheba (Rani) sometimes appears at midnight. She is dashing off with her young son in the mare sarangi. In the faint moonlight, Bai Saheba’s pearl necklace and sword can be clearly seen. The ancient man who sells grass would say he has seen Rani Lakshmibai standing still as a painting on the fort wall. Tell them she is dead they would say “You just don’t know that’s all. The Queen hasn’t died! “Baisaheba jarur jinda houni”

Then where is Rani Lakshmibai?

Even today Rani Lakshmi bai is invoked and worshipped daily in Bundelkhand as goddess Durga, as Shakthi.

Is all the reverence people feel towards her just and overflow of emotion? Was there no basis for it? If we want to know that, we will have to go back in time and see the Bundelkhand 100 years ago. English trampled upon the heart of India with their booted feet and India let out a cry of pain from her broken ribs. It erupted as the rebellion

Rani Lakshmibai was an expression of what India felt in those times

Devi says “One truth rises above countless mistakes, flaws weaknesses and defeats of those days and that is of the first conscious rebellion taking place against the stranglehold of the foreign rule. As long as we are aware of that, the name of Rani Lakshmibai will be etched in our memory. No one will forget the Queen, even if there is no worthy memorial raised to her. As long as people insist “Rani margay na houni’ – The queen did not die, the Queen will be alive. It’s true that her body was consigned to flames on 17^th June 1858, but she is immortal. The Queen of Jhansi lives for ever in the heart of her people. In a sense she achieved what she desired; her name and that of Jhansi are inextricably linked, Jhansi will be 'hers' forever.”

If you want to find her, you will have to go to those places and get to know the people who still believe with all their hearts that their Bai Saheba never died. Then, out of the belief of these uneducated, poor, farming men and women, slowly the image of a unique woman will appear – an amazing woman from India’s lost days.

To be continued…

Impact of the highly improbable – Part 11

We saw in the previous post about Jokhan Bagh incident and how British views on Rani became coloured by prejudice post that incident. After the Jokhan Bagh incident the mutineers left Jhansi. Rani then immediately had to deal with a rival claimant to the Raja's throne, and estate. Shortly after the mutineers left Jhansi, Sadasheo Rao Narain attempted a coup, but was easily foiled, and taken prisoner. (He was found in prison by the British and hanged by them after they retook Jhansi.)

Rani then defended Jhansi against attacks by Orchha. The forces of Orchha laid siege to Jhansi between the 3rd and 22nd of October 1857 whilst claiming to be acting for the British. The British as usual ignored her pleas for help in defending Jhansi. But however Rani won these battles.

Post this Rani strengthened the army and defenses. The fort became almost impenetrable. Events were leading to her final confrontation with the British.

By the end of 1857 the British had dealt with the bigger problems of Delhi and Oudh enabling them to turn their attention on the smaller ones, like Jhansi. The Rani had received no further communications from the British

On the 6th of January, a British force under Sir Hugh Rose, accompanied by Hamilton, marched northwards towards Jhansi. Their intension was very clear with the way they behaved on their journey. They simply massacred anyone they thought to be a rebel with or without evidence. They plundered and did not stop to any warnings and objections.

According to British, Rani was 'the Jezebel of India ... the young, energetic, proud, uncompromising Rani, and upon her head rested the blood of the [British] slain, and a punishment as awful awaited her'. (For those who want to know who is Queen Jezebal refer - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jezebel)

Lakshmi Bai was prepared. She raised a force of 14,000 volunteers from the population and 1,500 sepoys, made contact with the rebels, strengthened the defenses and prepared for the arrival of the British. 

Intelligence Report (quoting from Paul) dated the 7th Feb 1858 from Sir Robert Hamilton says that:-

“Although the Rani proposes not to fight the British government yet she makes every hostile arrangement. Six new large guns have been manufactured; carriages for these and old guns are in the course of construction. About 200 mounds of saltpetre being purchased in the Gwalior district had been bought into the fort. Gunpowder is daily made within the fort. Eight gunners from the Moorar rebels were sent from Kalpi and have been taken into service. They superintend the manufacturing of brass balls.”

It should be noted that even without the approaching British force, the Rani had every reason to prepare Jhansi's defenses not against the British, but against Jhansi's more aggressive neighbours, Orchha in particular.

The British forces started its attack on Jhansi. For 10 days they bombarded the fort. And for every attack Rani’s forces fought back with equal vigor.

      Image of Jhansi Fort defended by Rani (Courtesy: Wikipedia)

        

       The Kadak Bijili canon used in the uprising of 1857

       

      

A rebel force under command of Tatya Tope arrived to defend Rani but they were defeated because they were disorganized.

The British bribed the gate keeper of the fort of Jhansi and entered it.

At 3am, the 3rd April 1858, British troops stormed into Jhansi. The fighting is said to have been intense. Rani led it with such a force that British were indeed surprised. She with her women army was often visible to the British. They came face to face with Rani, directing and encouraging the resistance.

Another Brave woman, Jhalkari Korin, is said to have masqueraded as the Rani and was captured as such by the British. She was unmasked only when she was bought before Rose. Her fate is uncertain. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jhalkaribai)

       

Equestrian statue of Jhalkaribai in Gwalior

     

      

    

     

At some point Rani decided to escape from Jhansi to get better support and fight back. 

      The famous jumping point at Jhansi 

       From this point, Rani is said to have jumped on her horse to escape.(Source: Wikipedia)

     

Lakshmi Bai escaped to Kalpi, on horseback, with her son tied on her back, to prepare for another encounter in conjunction with Tatya Tope and Rao Sahib. She was given a warm welcome in Kalpi.

In Jhansi, the slaughter continued. The British soldiers "eagerly exceeding their orders'' (Hibbert). A Hindu priest, Vishnu Godse, who was there and wrote of his experiences, 'recalled four days of fire, pillage, murder and looting without distinction' (Fraser). Rose had instructed his troops to 'spare no one over sixteen - except women of course'. Some of those who could not escape threw themselves with their wives and children down the wells of the town.

In the words of Godse:

[After the massacre and looting had finished] In the squares of the city ... hundreds of corpses [were collected] in large heaps and covered with wood, floorboards and anything that came handy and set on fire. Now every square blazed with burning bodies and the city looked like one vast burning ground ... It became difficult to breathe as the air stank with the odour of burning human flesh and the stench of rotting animals in the streets.

What happened to Rani then?

To be continued…

Impact of the highly improbable – Part 10

In the last post we saw how Rani, during the years of retirement was meticulous in her religious observances and she practiced rifle and pistol shooting, horse riding and physical exercise every day.

In the early months of 1857, the tallow greased cartridges triggered the sepoy mutiny.

When news of the mutiny in Meerut reached Jhansi, the Rani asked permission to raise a small bodyguard for her own protection, a measure to which Captain Skene readily agreed. Skene and the other British officers failed to take the Rani's lead to protect themselves against a possible mutiny despite Rani’s warnings.

 During these time British left the Jhansi under the control of Rani. The city was indeed relatively calm in the midst of unrest in the region. Rani even conducted the Haldi kumkum ceremony (The Haldi Kumkum ceremony, is a social gathering in India in which married women exchange haldi (turmeric) and kumkum (vermilion powder), as a symbol of their married status and wishing for their husbands' long lives. Source Wikipedia) with pomp which reassured the people that Jhansi was safe. This was done to assure people that they need not be worried about British or Riots.

      Image of Ganesh Mandir Jhansi (Source: Wikipedia)

In June 1857 a few men of the 12th Bengal Native Infantry seized the fort containing the treasure, and massacred the European officers of the garrison along with their wives and children. (Rani’s forces did not kill any East India Company officials and their wives and children in Jokhan Bagh on 8 June 1857 but she was subsequently accused by the British of that.)

      Image of Jokhan Bagh (Source: Wikipedia)

It is said that the survivors in the Town Fort appealed to the Rani for help.

But with limited military power and having no influence over the mutineers it became obvious that she could not do anything.

Her actual response is unknown, there are several versions. Antonia Fraser's favoured version is 'What can I do? ... If you wish to save yourself, abandon the fort, no-one will injure you'. I assume that at the time the mutineers were not acting against the fort, and that she was stating that the people of Jhansi would not harm them. In this respect she could grant them the implied safe conduct, but whatever she replied they choose to stay put.

On the 7th June, the Town Fort was besieged by the mutineers and the fort surrendered. Safe passage was granted by the mutineers, but just outside Jhansi, in the Jokan Bagh, one of the rebel leaders ordered their deaths.

The mutineers left Jhansi after this incident. She gave mutineers money being threatened by the fact that they could do more damages and commit more atrocities.  (Some British historians, subsequently pushed this further, or at least misinterpreted it, and made her responsible for the mutiny itself.)

Post Jokhan Bagh incident, the mutineers left to Delhi

Rani wrote letters to British explaining the incidents. Major Ellis had reported that she had helped the mutineers with guns, men and money. Despite evidence, other than the Rani's account, that the assistance had been extracted from her under duress, there was a view that she gave willing assistance for the Jokhan Bagh massacre. From that point the official British view of Rani became hostile and coloured by prejudice and preconceived notion.

That is when Rani decided that she should fight against British and she took her famous sword.

Many might say that Rani was forced to take this decision and it does not show her bravery.

Am only reminded of the lines from Harry Potter:

These lines appear when Dumbledore explains and Harry understands the prophesy they he is to fight evil Voldemort.

“He understood at last what Dumbledore had been trying to tell him. It was, he thought, the difference between being dragged into the arena to face a battle to the death and walking into the arena with your head held high. Some people, perhaps, would say that there was little to choose between the two ways, but Dumbledore knew – and so do I, thought Harry, with a rush of fierce pride, and so did my parents – that there was all the difference in the world.”

And that’s what I would say of Rani. She chose to walk into the arena with her head held high. And it does make all the difference.

After due deliberation the Rani issued a proclamation: "We fight for independence. In the words of Lord Krishna, we will if we are victorious, enjoy the fruits of victory, if defeated and killed on the field of battle, we shall surely earn eternal glory and salvation."

      What happened after that?

To be continued…